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March 8, 2007
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I see her staring, glaring, pinned perfectly to a terracotta stained bedroom wall -- she is staring, glaring, holding a gun vertically against her mouth --
A sexy, seductive gun, to go with her sexy, seductive everything.
And I think, I want to be her.
A sassy, crass, ass-kicking platinum blonde with a face so pale, so porcelain, so devoid of pigment, with no undereye circles and no pores to claim; eyebrows thin and black in a perfect curve, the perfect curves of her eyes lined in what I imagine is the same black pencil as her eyebrows.  Her eyelashes black.  Her face white.  And her lips a sultry, fiery, undeniable deep ruby red --
I want to be her.
She's one of those punk rock girls, I think.  I'm sure she has a name, and in a scene I don't belong to, I'm sure the name is housesold.  I don't know who she is, I don't know what band she belongs to, what songs she sings, but I imagine --
I bet she sings of beating people down, of leaving bars without paying the tabs, of change by force, of revolt, of revolution, of fighting to take what is rightfully hers and damned if you get in her way.  I bet she leaves the stage with her bleached blonde bangs stuck to her forehead, her mascara running lines down to the corners of her mouth so she looks something like a doll.  The straps of her cut-up band tees falling off her smooth shoulders and her miniskirt hiked up way too far.  I bet she leaves the stage snarling, I bet she leaves the stage a mess with smudged lipstick on the shiny silver microphone like she's leaving her smudged lipstick on that shiny silver gun.  I bet she leaves the stage to walk out back and have a smoke with the boys, her boys, her tongue sharp and her voice dark and low and lovely.  I bet she banters with them about assholes and cunts and about revolts and revolutions, and where will they crash for the night and where will they play next and fuck where can they get a god damned drink in this buttfuck of a town --
I want to be her.
I imagine she comes home to a dingy apartment with posters and spraypaint on the walls and a torn-up pink pastel loveseat in the center, facing a wall with no television.  I imagine her boyfriend is one of those punk rock boys too, with a fallen mohawk and a tacklebox face and wearing jean patched-and-sharpied vests and tight ripped black pants and studded everything.  I bet he's got the anarchy symbol tattooed on the back of his neck and when they fuck it is loud and violent and her nails dig into that anarchy tattoo, and I bet her tits are perfect and her hips are perfect too, and I bet she's a screamer and not afraid to talk dirty.  I bet when they're done fucking they both immediately light up a cigarette and they don't speak, just put on The Germs and watch smoke rise from their lips, her ruby red lipstick lips, that leave their mark on the butt of that cigarette, that leave their mark on the head of a microphone, that leave their mark on a gun, a smoking gun, silver smoke from a cigarette leaving her lips like silver smoke from a silver smoking gun --
I want to be her.
I bet she's afraid of nothing.
But me, I'm afraid of everything.  I look at myself in the mirror, this meek, mouselike fairy thing, my large, pore-ridden nose shoved in the folds of a book and my eyebrows so fair they're barely there; I am afraid of everything.  I do not speak of anything remotely revolutionary, I do not kiss guns, I do not fuck loud.  I do not leave my mark anywhere, not on microphones, on shot glasses or bottles of cheap beer, on the necks of boys with anarchy tattoos.  I do not leave anything behind, I am always running, I am always hiding, I am always afraid --
I bet she never sleeps.  I bet she never gets tired.
I'm tired.
I want to be her.
:iconla-romantique:
probably one of my favorite pieces i've written in a while.
:iconradioactive-bagel:
This is brilliant!
The slight repetition adds just enough emphasis.
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:iconbackstageprince:
I think you're great.
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